Responding to an abusive parent who weaponizes 'honor your parents': adult children are not obligated to obey parents, and marriage triggers the leave-and-cleave authority shift.

Winger distinguishes living in the home (report abuse to a trusted adult leader, not a peer) from being an adult who has left. Parents' authority over a child ends when the child becomes an adult and moves out — they shift from 'authorities' to 'dignitaries.' Marriage especially requires leaving parental authority; a husband cannot be head of his family if his father is also acting as authority. Abusers' threats that reporting will destroy the family are called a lie — what actually happens is domestic violence counseling and monitoring.