How to biblically grieve the death of an unsaved loved one: grief is good, blame is bad

Winger argues that grief over an unsaved loved one is appropriate and reflects God's own heart — God in the OT and NT desperately reaches out wanting people to repent (e.g., Isaiah). The danger is that grief turns into blame, especially blaming God. Grief must be coupled with faith in God's goodness and justice, which is unchangeable. Christians should not make the unsaved person a victim of Christ; Christ is the rescuer who was rejected. On the purgatory/praying-for-the-dead question, Winger says it is not a good time to do theological correction when someone is in acute grief. Wisdom and timing matter: meet people where they are emotionally. He personally would respond to a well-meaning offer to pray for the dead with a gracious "thank you" rather than a correction in the moment.