Cheryl Schatz

gengwall,
You said:

I trust then that you believe that if women followed God’s command to reverence their husbands, and they truly sacrificed for them in a way that is meaningful for men, that marriages would flourish as well.

Absolutely, yes! But I think that our society has put too much emphasis on the wife initiating when it is the husband who is called to sacrifice as Jesus sacrificed for His bride. Yet I do believe that marriages would be helped if the wife gave her husband respect even if he didn’t “earn” it. This is exactly what I did in my marriage years ago. I believe that the Lord Jesus taught me this when I no longer had love for my husband because of the way he treated me. I told him how I loved the way he combed his hair or I loved the color of the shirt that he chose to wear. I told him whatever truthful thing that I could to show him respect and he did respond. But if he had treated me with love to begin with I would never have lost love for him. Sometimes we are called to sacrifice when our husbands have failed to hold up their end and to sacrifice for us. I believe that the Lord Jesus taught me that I am accountable for myself and that I cannot use the excuse that my husband isn’t doing his part. When I gave first without seeing any response for a long time and I continued to do my part instead of responding to his hurtful actions, it really did help him to see that he didn’t deserve me. It still was a long road towards full healing.

While I believe that the husband has the responsibility to initiate the sacrificial love for his wife, I do not believe that any of us is allowed to sit back and wait for this. We do our part and give it to God and don’t worry if we are not getting our fair share back. We are accountable for our relationship with God and our own actions whether we are getting love or not.

However I do believe that comp counselors focus way too much on women in asking them to submit and let the men go scott-free. It is so easy for a woman to submit to a man who loves and sacrifices his life for her. But a wife who loves and respects her husband does not always get the same back. Sometimes it just promotes more selfishness. This is why I think that men are to initiate because if the sacrifice starts with them, and their wives respond in the biblical way there is a much greater opportunity for oneness, healing and union.

Does this make sense?