Waneta Dawn

“You made some very absurd assumptions about John Piper: “a tendancy to control Noel? To abuse her?” and “Given his pattern of minimizing, dening and blaming, he is likely to blame Noel for his frustration at having nothing to do, and minimize the seriousness of his action, and deny that it is sin.” That’s ridiculous. You should be ashamed. The sounds of a clanging symbol.”

ChadH,
Mara’s response to you is indeed on target. Pastors, clergy, faith leaders are the #1 perpetrators of domestic violence against their family members–especially their wives. Law enforcement is 2nd. (Law enforcement used to be #1, but in recent years faith clergy have surpassed them.)

In addition, Piper’s own comments and advice in the u-tube clip showed him minimizing the seriousness of abuse calling it “verbal unkindness” and saying a wife should “endure it for a season” and when her husband smacks her one night, she should call her pastor in the morning.

In Piper’s statement, attitude and body language (a chuckle!!) it is clear he does not consider verbal and emotional abuse to actually be a part of domestic violence. (In fact, I found that in the writing of a CBMW member.) He also blames the wives for that “verbal unkindness,” and tells them they must submit to their husbands unless the husbands are demanding something that is “clearly sin.” The examples he gives are of “gross sexual sin,” which suggests he is saying that “verbal unkindness” doesn’t count as sin, and that a wife should submit to a husband who is calling her names and degrading her.

So he is denying to wives the guidance to help them deal with their husband’s sin before it grows so large and so entrenched that her husband will be unlikely to EVER stop being abusive.

Piper is also refusing to help wives deal with a life-threatening situation. Yes, LIFE-THREATENING! The best predictor of physical violence (which can be lethal with the first shove or blow) is verbal and emotional abuse. Men who use verbal and emotional abuse, increase the severity of abuse over time, and escalate the frequency of the abuse as well. To tell women to wait until they have been hit before they ask for help, is to deny the sinfulness of verbal/emotional/spiritual abuse. It also denies other forms of physical abuse. Furthermore, he should advise a wife to call the police, not her pastor, if her husband smacks her, and she should NOT wait until morning, but should call as soon as it is safe to call.

ChadH, I was a facilitator of a men’s group, called the Batterers Education Program, run by the department of corrections in my county. I learned that the men who defend the abusive behaviors of other abusive men usually abuse their own wives, or want to reserve the right to do so. In addition, men who show SOME of the traits of abusers are likely to have more of those traits show up in private.

The words out of Piper’s own mouth indicate he permits husbands to use abusive and controlling behavior against their wives. It is not a stretch at all to point out that Piper may well be abusing Noel.

Additonally, Christian women who have lived through abuse, myself included, have begun to realize that the “roles” complementarians assign to husbands and wives are the not only the seedbed for abuse, but are in fact abusive. Telling wives that they have no decision-making power to navigate their own lives, except the power to defer everything to their husbands, sets husbands up to abuse and sets wives up to allow themselves to be abused.

To see more on this subject, see my blog post @ http://submissiontyranny.blogspot.com/2010_03_01_archive.html, dated 3-24-10, titled “CBMW Uses Power and Control Tools of Abusers.” It was shortly after I posted this, that Piper informed his congregation he was taking 8 months off.

I am very concerned for Noel. As stated before, men who are used to finding their identity in their work can get quite testy and abusive during 3-4 day weekends, and even more so during an 8 month absense from work. Given Piper’s permissive attitude toward the abusiveness of other husbands, it is a very small step for him to permit the same behavior for himself–and do it.

My statement here is not so much to put Piper down. Instead, it is to hold him and those who agree with him accountable. It is to show that his beliefs, and the beliefs of the CMBW are dangerous for the whole family. Does a member of the CBMW have to get killed by a family member before they will bother to take a closer look at scripture? I hope not!