Alex

Chreyl said:

“My husband was gracious and humble enough to admit that he did not have the ability to mold me into the vision he had for me and he did not have the ability to understand what was the best decision for me as a person. By making all the decisions in the marriage it only kept me in a dependent state unable to be mature. It wasn’t until he gave everything over to God and allowed me to fall down on my own that I grew tremendously. No longer did I need to have my husband make my decisions so I wouldn’t fail.”

This is not complementaryism. It is not that the husband makes all the decisions for the wife and the wife just has to follow suit. The husband is called to lead the wife, but that doesn’t mean he decides everything. When the wife is called to submit it does not mean she blindly does everything her husband wants. Even Jesus questioned God’s call in the Garden before his death!

No, a complementary marriage is one of communication. One of mutual agreement. Where the “submission” comes into play is those areas where the husband and wife just cannot agree. I do not mean minor areas like “what radio station we should listen to” but major areas that could greatly effect the future of the family. In these instances the husband and wife are to discuss thoroughly the issue, pray and fast for the issue, and try in every way to come to an agreement. If an agreement cannot be made, then the husband is called to make a decision and the wife is called to submit. This is a huge difference from what you wrote about with you and your husband.

You also said: “I don’t see leadership as something that a wife needs from her husband as if she is unable to reach maturity and must have a leader over her. ”

The husband is only called to be the leader in the marriage. This does not mean he lords himself over his wife or that he makes all the decisions or that he is necessary in her continues growth. God is the one who ultimately grows everyone. I would argue, however, that God uses the husband to grow the wife and the wife to grow the husband, otherwise marriage is useless.

As for what it means to be the leader in the relationship: The husband is called to grow and cultivate his wife. The wife’s calling is first and foremost to support her husband, but his calling necessitates that he support her as well. He is called (as her leader) to encourage her to grow in her giftings and desires. These two ideas do not have to be in conflict.

I will attempt to come back and see if there is a response (I clicked the check mark that should notify me if you respond) but I hope my explanation of complimentaryism helps in some ways. I honestly believe you have an wrongful view of what complimentaryism is, and as such you may in time come to hold more of its truth than you believe.

your sibling in Christ,
-Alex

PS – obviously this is more an open handed issue, your disagreement does not upset me or cause me to doubt your salvation! However, I believe this is also an important issue and one that should be continually discussed among believers