Cheryl Schatz

Elastigirl,
Really well said!

TL,
I agree with your question. Adding rank and authority to a “one flesh” union is like trying to mix oil and water and then finding oneself frustrated how come it doesn’t work like we had been led to believe it should.

A true loving relationship for a woman will never place her under compulsion to obedience. A true loving relationship will flourish with respect and sacrifice for both so that the one flesh union will be there without removing the personhood of each partner.

Jane,
I hear deep pain in your writing. I can honestly say that I know what that pain feels like because it was our frustrating experience with the rank, authority and submission model for many years. It is odd but one would think that the man would be happy to have the trump card and the authority to make a decision even against his wife’s will, but sadly deep down inside most men are really not satisfied in this kind of hierarchical relationship. Although their flesh can love the power trip, inside it is not even close to having a one-flesh union with a full partner and joint heir.

But I do know that many women have had their personalities removed to the point that there is nothing left but a shell because men have bought into a system that leaves full responsibility on their shoulders. Some Christian men feel such stress at having to answer to God for their wives that they struggle so hard to try to force their wives into a mold. In essence they end up usurping the Holy Spirit’s job and it frustrates and discourages them. And women who are so frustrated at having to become something that they are not by a husband pressured to get an A+ on his family report card with God can find themselves losing hope and losing themselves.

In their frustration they can think that they are the problem not even recognizing that it is the “system” that is flawed. It is the worldly system that makes the husband responsible before God for his wife and responsible for every decision in the marriage.

I am greatly saddened by the harm that has come to marriages and spouses who can’t make this hierarchical system work. I, myself, wasn’t even allowed to make mistakes until God intervened in our marriage and He directly told my husband to leave me alone to be a person. It was an extremely hard time for a man who was taught that he had to make things work and he was responsible to make me what I should be. When we dropped the hierarchy and the rank and forced subordination, we never looked back. I can now breathe and be a person and I even have the freedom to make mistakes. And because of this I have grown as a person in ways that I could never have grown when I was under an authority. What I have seen personally is that in many marriages the hierarchical system produces dependent women unable to fully mature and frustrated men who tend toward an unhealthy dictatorial style rulership. When we can give this up and allow the Lord Jesus to be our only master, His burden becomes light on our shoulders and He makes a way where there seemed no way to see happiness and true peace.

I love those men who are still in the hierarchical system but who have decided that unless there is a great emergency, they will never take out their male trump card. And all their lives they live without the trump card on the table, just as we now live.