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To All,
Rather than try to answer individual comments (there have been many), I wish to address two threads which have emerged and which I see converging to the core of the question. Let me address these questiosn, make a couple of aside remarks, and then tie them together by examining the very concept of “Christian authority”:

1) Despite the pushback about specific instances of authority – it seems that there is general understanding that legitimate authority can exist within human Christian relationships. If this is true then a logical corollary of this truth is that Ephesians 5:21 is NOT incompatible with authoritative hierarchy within Christian relationships. Therefore Ephesians 5:21 is compatible with a hierarchical understanding of marriage. (It doesn’t by itself prove it – proof is made clear from other passages as outlined here.) And of course none of these (governor-citizen, parent-child, inter-officer, etc.) authority structures is exactly like marriage just as none of them is exactly like the others. Each relationship is of course different, but in all of them authority legitimately exists and is not in conflict with right Christian behavior.

2) TL asked a good question: “how does one add authority to “oneness” without destroying the oneness?”
– I will not answer “how” that is a much longer (though very worthwhile) conversation. But we see that Christ, Bridegroom of the Church, has authority over the Church. Whatever you believe about how and when He got that authority – He has it NOW and will have it forevermore (Matt 29:18, etc.) and He is the Bridegroom now and forevermore (Eph 5:22-33, 2 Cor 11:2, Rev:19:7). Therefore we have an example of a relationship of “oneness” in which there is yet authority. And in fact it is this very relationship which which Paul explicitly compares to human marriage in which the Bridegroom rightly has authority.

Asides:

a) I never said “spiritual” or not, the question was of whether there was some kind of authority – what kind it may be is a separate and subordinate question.
If you will do me the courtesy of listening to what I say and not what “camp” you must therefore presume I must be in (or Augustine, Tertullian, etc.), we will make much more headway.

MOST IMPORTANT – Read this if you read nothing else!
• But let me be clear for this is more important than all the rest. – there is problem which we will very naturally encounter regarding any contemplation of authority derives from our all-too-human experience with authority, both its abuse and its temptations. It is not wrong that human authority should exist, but the very power of it makes it natural to abuse. Just as with sex, food, or money; power and authority are not wrong of themselves but certainly can be carried out so wrongly that they we may be tempted to wonder what good could come of them. And our Lord, who has ultimate authority over us taught us about this. In Matthew 23, Luke 22 and elsewhere. He taught his disciples about the temptations and abuse of power. Christ does not say that greatness does not exist: He says rather that our ideas about “greatness” are all wrong. The whole point of the authority which Christ commands is to be looking outside ourselves, just as the love to which we are commanded differs so fundamentally from the selfishness of worldly love. The authority of Christ over us is complete, He is our God and our Lord – it could be no other. But His authority was one not to come and be served as a king of men to demand obeisance, rather He considered our need and in ultimate love took upon Himself to do what we could not. Any complementarian male who feels smug or complacent with the idea that they “have authority” has misunderstood every lesson about Christian authority which Christ Himself lived out for us (and any complementarian woman who has experience this misunderstanding lived out will rightly feel hurt by this). This is in fact exactly what Paul tells husbands in Ephesians 5 – in Christ, “authority” is not about my comfort, it is not about the fact that I would really like a glass of iced tea right now. It is about the Good of those with whom I have oversight. Whether as a father, a master/employer, or a husband. Christian authority means that my responsibility is to their benefit – not my own comfort.