TL

” furthermore we note that the apostle gives distinct instructions to husbands and wives (whatever the reason he did this for – the instructions are consistently different: we can at least agree on this?)”

NN,
While it is true that husband and wife are being given different admonitions, this does not mean that they are the only admonitions that are relevant. We must remember that Paul is NOT writing an all inclusive thesis on the ins and outs of marriage. Rather, he is writing a letter to real people in real places with these problems. Paul is addressing the problems. So, when Paul reminds wives that they need to arrange themselves under their husbands in a similar way that we all arrange ourselves under the Lord (after telling us all to arrange ourselves under one another) Paul is NOT telling wives they don’t have to love their husbands, just because he omitted that area. Paul is addressing the problem areas. In the same way, when Paul tells husbands to love, nurture (provide for and protect) and honor their wives as they do their own bodies, Paul is NOT telling husbands they don’t have to arrange themselves under their wives just like they do the rest of the Body of Christ and in the same manner they do toward the Lord. Rather Paul is simply zooming in on an area that needs addressing because of the cultural attitudes of the times.