TL

“Eph 5, Col 3, 1 Pet 3, etc. – In each case the wife specifically is told that she is to be submitted (”hupatassoe”) to her husband; while in each case the husband is given a distinct and different instruction.”

Almost. First, the wife is told to submit herself. This is passive which gives the decision to the wife. And the husband is to to treat his wife as himself.

The problem is what you infer from this. Your inference is wrong in that you assume by what is missing that therefore the husband is not to do what is not included in those few sentences even though Paul just got finished telling everyone to do them all. All are admonished to be of a submissive nature toward each other. All are told to love all sacrificially.. These are not gender specific admonitions. However, at the time certain aspects were lacking in marriage. Paul chooses to only address a few things, not everything. He did the same thing with slaves, masters and children, parents. This is not an all inclusive thesis. Paul is only pointing out certain issues,