Kay

“Hopefully we can agree that the apostles give different instructions to husbands and to wives? (regardless of what the difference might mean or why the apostles might have said it)”

NN,
I think that was established some time ago. The problem is what you try to infer from this.

“Both our proper love toward God and His love toward us is described by the word “agape” – yet He is in authority over us. Whether you think it paradoxical or not it clearly is possible.”

Yes, it is possible….when one of us is God. When one of us is not – I see no absolute correlation.