TL

“…but I prefer to talk about the wives’ role) that by the time the decorating question has come up she will (most likely) already know his desire and seek to align her own with his.”

Stlll sounds like giving up one’s personality in favor of the other’s : borg absorption. IMO it works much better when each try to find a solution that allows the other to express themselves as well. If that means each take a room, or a combination, or something entirely different that they can both agree upon, that is better than trying to give up one’s personality in favor of the other person’s personality.

In reading some of your previous comments it sounds like you are linking things not applicable in Ephesians 5 to submission as to the Lord. One of them the inference seemed to be that because we are joyful worshippers (323 or 367 I think) of Christ, then the inference is that wives should be joyful worshippers of husbands. Am I reading you correctly.

We give up our desire’s to God because He is God and His desires are truth, love, justice and eternal issues that are better for us. But we are all just human. Desires that are not sin should not need to be given up in favor of another person’s desires.