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To Charis (481)

Marriage was never intended to be a bed of roses for the husband with an ever obedient (slave) wife. If it was, God would have stopped at monkeys or dogs (who can be trained in obedient servitude) and Jesus would not have told the shocked disciples (3 times in one spot!) they better seriously consider. remaining eunuchs rather than the take on the rigors of marriage Matthew 19 1ff

I could not possibly agree more. If we are to interpret that Ephesians 5 & other passages imply ‘authority’ on the part of the husband – then we must more strongly still examine what it says about the enactment of this ‘authority.’ Simply looking at the phrase “as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for her” I think captures it all. Christ’s authority (being God) did not enact itself by demanding respect and punishing us in our failure to give it; He didn’t look at us and say “Sorry, you should be mine and you failed and that’s your problem – it’s too bad but your just getting what you deserve (though we did fail and it was our problem).” Rather, in the Highness of His authority – He chose to serve us and give His own life in sacrifice for us.
If the ‘authority’ of the husband is to mirror this then we must take it to mean quite the same thing. The only proper use of the husband’s authority (indeed of any human endeavor) can be to reflect God. And we are told that in marriage we are to reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church – that husband’s are to take their authority seriously; not to consider how they can be served but how they can serve. Parva sub ingenti, my life for theirs.

Will this be hard – most certainly. Certainly, resting on the bent back of a slave is a natural temptation to humanity – but it is service for which we are made and this in the end it will be what is of most good to us and our greatest satisfaction. To quote the Weight of Glory –

We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so
contains an appeal to desire… Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us…

(I highly recommend this short essay to anyone – http://www.verber.com/mark/xian/weight-of-glory.pdf)