gengwall

3. An excellent question if, for no other reason, it relates to the comp position and the debate in general. Can one be a leader without having or exercising authority? Can one have authority without being considered a leader? I think the answer to both is a qualified “yes”.

I think leadership is more about getting people to follow a plan than it is about getting your way. I think of Lincoln, who was a great leader but who often compromised and even changed position based on debate and counsel. Lincoln also had the authority to carry out action on his decisions. But it wasn’t that authority that made him a great leader. Even when he lost political races (or court cases) and had basically no authority at all, he was still viewed by almost everyone who knew him well, including his opponents, as being a great leader.

History is also jammed full of examples of people who had great amounts of authority but were horrible leaders. Again, the terms do not go hand in hand.

Marriage is a unique institution. I truly believe that men have an inate desire to be leaders. I think it is in our genes. Where we get in trouble is when we are told that we are in authority. Authority is about overt power and it is corrupting. Instead of leading, we command. Instead of leading, we punish. Instead of leading, we demand obedience. This is abusive, yet it feels strangley right to us. That is because of the influence sin has over us. Adam was probably, potentially, a great leader. But sin made him a ruler, which is an entirely different and evil thing.

Women are gifted with many leadership skills as well. When we join our wives in “one flesh” leadership, we are far stronger than the two of us could be apart. There is no need for authority (between the two partners).

That is the paradox that the world does not understand. The world can not envision strength and power outside of a hierarchy. But the original design for marriage was one where strength and power were to be greatly multiplied through the one-flesh relationship, yet in a hierarchical vacuum. That is mind blowing to the world, and especially to men who feel comfortable in hierachies. It truly seems a contradiction – die to self (give up authority) in order to lead together. Even typing it, there is something within me that rebels against the idea. My inner Adam says “you were made to rule”. But my spirit cries back “it is not good for you to be alone (an authoritarian hierarchy is inherently lonely) – God has made an ezer neged (strong help facing you) to complete you and join you in leadership”. This battle rages all the time within me but I am not blind to God’s truth. I know the Spirit is right. The choice, then, is up to me. Do I rule by myself, or do I and my wife lead together.