Kristen

Cheryl said:
“In this way, true Biblical leadership is an example set, not an authority taken. When Christian husbands live this kind of lifestyle of “leadership” how could any woman object? The self-sacrifice and Christ-like selfless example of a husband should never cause a Christian wife to reject him or his “leadership”. She too is to initiate a Christ-like example of self-sacrifice so that even if her husband were not a believer, by her godly example of living a gentle and respectful life, he will be influenced to follow her into Christianity.”
I agree, but would emphasize that this kind of leadership-by-example, in a mutualist marriage, moves dynamically between husband and wife. He is not the only one who gets to lead by example. In a mutualist marriage, first one partner and then the other may take the lead in a given situation, depending on personal strengths and many other factors. If the husband is feeling sick or tired, he can relax and let his wife decide the best course to take with a dispute between the children. If she’s better than him at something, she can take the lead in seeing it gets done– and vice versa. Neither one feels their masculinity or femininity threatened if the other steps outside a role. Each defers to the other’s areas of expertise.
My husband lets me lead in the area of finances; I’m better at it. When we’re travelling somewhere, he’s definitely the one in charge, because I get lost easily and tire quickly when driving. When it comes to parental discipline, we take turns. There’s no one right way to do a marriage. While complementarianism can still let individual marriages have their own dynamics, I would say this is easier in a mutualist/egalitarian marriage, where there is no set pattern for what it has to look like.
As an egalitarian, I have no problem with a marriage which looks more traditional than mine, because the husband is a natural leader and the wife likes him to be. But complementarians say all marriages are supposed to look like that. Neither I nor my husband was happy that way.