NN

Retha,
Starting from the recognition that the Bible teaches us that our marriages ought to reflect the truths of the gospel – you as a very natural and worthwhile question which can be couched as:

How is a woman supposed to reflect the church if the man does not properly reflect Christ?

Before I really answer this question I’d like to start with a few side comments to ensure that some points are not misunderstood:
~ Most complementarians I know of would not advocate a woman staying in a context that endangers her health or see this as a Biblical mandate.
~ More generally, the woman ought not submit to any command of the husband which violates the instructions of God (for instance she ought not obey him if he tells her to rob a bank)
~ But this comes with a danger, it is a natural temptation to begin looking for the exceptions when we find a commandment uncomfortable or inconvenient. For instance, one is also called to “turn the other cheek.” Yet, most christians if they saw a someone hurting heir child would protect their child and use physical force to stop them and believe it right to do so. However, we must be careful lest “exceptions” become a way to simply disobey the command of God.

Those said – we can explore the general question – “But what happens if the other spouse does not act as they should?” Is the husband prevented from reflecting the Gospel if the wife does not reflect the Church well? If she were to be shrewish and unsubmissive ought the husband respond by not loving her and sacrificing himself for her? Of course not! The husband is called to reflect Christ to his wife and before the world regardless of the wife’s behaviour.
What then of the wife? Is she called to reflect the Church even if the husband is being a selfish jerk best described by a string of epithets not fit for typing here? Taking an extreme case – let us say that the husband is an unsaved jerk – not able or seeing any reason to want to reflect Christ:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. {1 Pet 3:1-2}

A sandwich will typically not violate the Word of God – even if the husband ought to have recognized how busy his wife was and not asked her. (<a href=”http://nuallan.livejournal.com/11628.html”)Indeed here are some thoughts to husbands on the proper enactment of headship) But in general disobedience is not what the wife is called to. Yes, absolutely she ought to seek to bear up and help him overcome his areas of sin – but Biblically she is called to do so from a role of submission – not through being shrewish or nagging (Proverbs has a fair bit to say about such behaviour). And just as much for the husbands – for he is told to take absolute initiative in finding ways to love and sacrifice himself for his wife whether she acts as she should or not.