Retha

1, I looked up Baali, and it does not, as you claim, have a primary meaning of husband.
Strong’s Hebrew lexicon: my master; Baali, a symbolical name of Jehovah
Brown-Driver-Briggs’ Hebrew Definitions: “my lord” 1. a deity in the northern kingdom, variation of the name ‘Baal’
2, Your use of Peter 3: Substitution of terms invalidates your argument. You ask if she should submit to a selfish jerk. Then you use a verse that say she should submit to an unbeliever (we agree it refers to an unbeliever). Unbeliever does not equal selfish jerk.
The slightest knowledge of human nature would tell you the verse does not speak about obeying a selfish man. The verse speaks of someone motivated to change by submission. A selfish person does not change because his selfishness is rewarded.
(That is one clue that submission don’t mean obeying selfish whims. Here is another, that to submit you don’t have to obey every order, even when direct sin is not present: http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/%e2%80%9cwives-submit-%e2%80%9d-how/ )
3, You claim “A sandwich will typically not violate the Word of God – even if the husband ought to have recognized how busy his wife was and not asked her.” :
The man does violate the word by the sandwich order: The word say that to love others as ourselves, to regard their interests as highly (at least) as our own. This, not submission to husbands, is one of the two great commandments. If you say he don’t violate the word, don’t you care about the simplest and first things of scripture? You see, some things in scripture is bigger than submission – Jesus himself call them bigger.
And the wife? The Bible say we should edify, exhort and admonish our fellow believers, and to fight against sin, not encourage it. If the wife is married to a fellow believer, why does this not apply to her? You chooce to put a higher premium on submit than on other things the Bible say, without even mentioning why these Bible texts are less important to you.
4, You think because God use marriage as metaphor, she should picture the gospel one-sidedly with her behavior:
The Bible never say she can or should show the gospel by submitting. 1 Peter 3:1 say she may win one unbeliever, but not that she picture the gospel. The supplying leader can present a big part of the gospel this way (Hosea was specifically told to do it) but we don’t hear in the Bible of female Hoseas playing the other role- probably because she cannot present a true gospel to the world this way.

When we read the Bible, we should follow it whole-heartedly, not add meanings (my points 1, 2 and 4) and remember only what we like (point 3)