gengwall

Alternatively – salsa dancing (as with most Latin and ballroom dancing) is all about the woman and making her the centerpiece of the dance. Yes, the man leads, but he does not domineer. In fact, he should be nearly invisible. Not exactly the “lead from the front” type of male “headship” complementarians usually advocate.

My girls are both very accomplished salsa dancers who have danced with some outstanding partners. I asked for a one word description of the best salsa dancing leaders they have danced with, and they both agreed that it would be “humble”. Conversely, the worst salsa dancing leaders are ones who are arrogant and think the dance is about them and their leadership.

Another consideration. It is a lot easier to lead than to follow in dancing. Frankly, I don’t know how my wife does it. I know what I’m going to do before I do it but she has no idea. She is in the dark until the moment of the move and yet, she miraculously executes the moves as if she knew what was coming all along. That is really a cool thing…in dancing.

But are we to suggest that marriage should follow the same pattern? Does male leadership really entail keeping your wife in the dark about decisions until the very last second and then forcing compliance as if she were some puppet on strings? I hope not. My wife puts up with that when we dance (and yes, we both have a great time and she is happy to follow) but I wouldn’t last 2 seconds if I tried to pull something like that in real life.

The reality in dancing is that there is a leader, but there is no rule that it has to be the man. That is a societal norm, but not a life or death statute. I know couples where the wife leads and the man is happy to follow because, frankly, she is a better at it. I also know dance styles that are more free form and allow the woman to “do her own thing” (Lindy Hop and Tango come to mind). And then there are couples dances that are called like square dancing and round dancing where neither partner ever leads. All of these dances are great fun and if dance imitates life, as the article suggests, show a wide variety of allowable leadership paradigms in marriage.

BTW – has the author of the article ever heard the phrase “it takes two to Tango”? I hate to break it to him but whether it is Tango or Salsa, the dance is just as non-existent without the woman as it is without the man.