Don

Here are some ideas.

See Bilizekian’s essay on husband being a head, free at CBE.  He goes into Eph 5.  The main point is that Christ as head SERVES the church, the metaphor (and we KNOW head/kephale HAS to be a metaphor) is one of service and there is no Scriptural warrant to turn that into a leading function.  See all the verbs in that section of Eph 5.

1 Pet is about unsaved husbands (and later unsaved wifes).  In that case in 1st century it was just assumed that the wife obeys her husband, but Peter carefully never says that.