Cheryl

Molly,

Even those who understand what is clearly emotional abuse, can fall back into the pattern set by years of practice.  If a wife does not have a high self-esteem so that she thinks that she somehow deserves being treated as a child so that her will is overridden and her decisions are made for her, it may take a long time to develop healthy patterns of mutual respect.  When she sets boundaries to stop the abuse she can have guilty feelings and fall back into supporting his control.  It certainly helps when both marriage partners recognize the faulty patterns and each work hard to bring mutual love and respect back into the marriage.  Yet while it can be hard to change old patterns, it is a rewarding thing to see the positive changes.