truthseeker

I just read this blog trail so my comments here are late, but I, too, want to thank all of you for this place, your own websites, and your comments. You are my church right now and have been for over a year. The things Lin pointed out in #5 are very true. It can be very difficult to share about one’s struggles. I like the idea of truly biblical gatherings such as homegroup-style churches but they can be very very difficult to find. Regular churches have ads, websites, etc. I have been trying to find an egal ‘home church’ in my area and have had no luck so far. I have found some egal churches in my area and have met with the pastors, a few of whom felt strongly that I should be attending my spouse’s church (very strict fundamental church-which I left), and nearly all of which believe in some degree of male ‘headship’ in marriage though not in church function. So far, all were male pastors. It is extremely difficult to find a truly and completely egal church that does not at the same time endorse gay theology. Interestingly, the item of ‘headship’ that the most egal of them still clung to was the notion that in a situation needing a ‘tie-breaker’, the husband would be the one to decide. This strikes me as odd in that it implies that women, even those who are allowed full contribution within the corporate church setting, just somehow cannot be counted upon to make a good decision or be tie breakers themselves within a marriage. Why is it a given that unsolvable stand-offs will be inevitable? That a couple will come to a place where they will not be able to make a decision mutually (even if that means one or both come to change their stance voluntarily)? That the Holy Spirit cannot bring them to a place of agreement?

The way many churches are structured, even the egal ones, it is tough to make relational inroads very quickly. The main services themselves do not lend to much interaction that is genuine nor to each contributing what God has placed on their hearts. Sunday schools or midweek groups then become the second choice and they are many times just micro versions of Sunday service, that is, they have a speaker, songs, prayer, and maybe a bit of time for discussion or open interaction/fellowship (and I don’t mean just at the ‘cookies and milk’ time).

The other difficult thing about being married and looking for a church is that if one’s spouse does not accompany you, and yet is going to a church, it can make folk really raise their eyebrows at you, especially if you are a woman-even in a so-called egal church. I was told by the pastor of one such church that God must have some things for me to learn about submission. I was aghast and angry. I wondered why he didn’t assume that God had some things for my husband to learn about love or submission? Male authority is so deeply ingrained. I was also recently told that if I loved my husband I would go with him to his church. So now church attendance is no longer about fellowship with like-minded ones, it is about ‘loving and supporting one’s spouse’? So why isn’t it ever suggested that my husband be the one to do so? Even by these so-called egals?

I still pray for some crumb of local fellowship but don’t know if it will ever happen. My consolation and encouragement are the stories of Christians who spent years in isolated prisons for their faith, and died there. That is, they never ever again had warm, in-person fellowship in this life. I hope I do someday. Meanwhile, you all are precious to me as cyber sisters and brothers in Christ. Like Mike, I may only rarely comment, but I do visit the sites frequently-especially on Sundays.