Cheryl Schatz

Lin,
You have made a good point about forgiveness. Many misunderstand the process and think that forgiveness without repentance means that we must let the person back into our lives. True forgiveness on our part means that everything is clear between us and God so that the root of bitterness will not spring up. But walking in fellowship with another person requires repentance.

Mara,
I am so glad that you shared a little bit about yourself. I think it brings up a good point that we should be kind and compassionate and not judge because we do not always know what the other person has been through. Until we walk a mile in their shoes, we need to be sympathetic to the pain that we may not understand.

I posted this on one of my other posts and I think it is good to see it again.

It is a grave disservice to the spirit of a woman when she is given the subtle message that the truth of her own pain is not as important as the reputation of the ones who inflicted it.

– from quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com

I do understand that some people will always have a hard time relating because they have never experienced this kind of abuse. What I have seen in many situations is a double abuse on the “one who has been violated. Recently I saw a pastor come down hard on one who had been abused instead of his focusing on the real troublemaker. If those who should be protecting us subtly blame us either for the abuse or for our reaction to the abuse, it is like salt rubbed into the wound. There is certainly wisdom in all of us understanding that bitterness can destroy us. But when one has been wounded and the attacker has gone scot-free, one becomes very sensitive and it may take a long time before the person is open to even a gentle reprimand. The thing that I have learned, and I hope that I practice it, is to always acknowledge the pain and the wrong-doing. And I understand the value of letting people talk it through. I have experienced spiritual abuse myself and so I understand how harmful it is to be abused by those who should love and care for us. I also know what it is like to have those who should have been knowledgeable about spiritual abuse, do all the wrong things and actually add insult to injury. I trust that God is using my own experiences to help me be far more tolerant of those who have been abused in the body of Christ. It is a betrayal that can wound people so deeply that the only way that they can survive is to walk away from the church. This is not the way that it should be, but sadly it is the way it is with many who don’t understand the dynamics of betrayal.