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The following is excerpted from a series of post called Sexual Detox from challies.com and is, I think, related. Challies does acknowledge the authority of each spouse over the other’s body but still hold to male leadership in the area of sex. I am not sure how that is reconciled as he didn’t answer my questions.

http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-ii-a-theology-of-sex.php

“Unequal Desire
Yet sexual desire, the appetite for sex, is not given in equal measure. It is typically given in greater part to men. Why is this? The answer, I’m convinced, goes right to the heart of the husband-wife relationship. God commands that men, husbands, be leaders. Men are to take the leading role while women are to follow. God intends that men take leadership even in sex and, therefore, he gives to men a greater desire for it. This way men can lead their wives, taking the initiative, taking care to love their wives in such a way that they wish to have sex with their husbands. Generally speaking, a man finds intimacy and acceptance through sex while a woman needs to first experience intimacy and acceptance before she can be prepared to enjoy sex. And so God gives the man a sexual appetite so he can in turn provide for his wife’s needs before she provides for his. His sexual appetite cannot be separated from his leadership.”

Here are the questions I posted that went unanswered:

“Men are created to be initiators (leaders in sex) and women responders, but if, however, in the sphere of sex women are given a pass to initiate (lead in sex “indicate” or “woo”) which could quite possibly be a rather frequent or at least a regular occurrence, is it possible that women could lead or take initiative in other areas as well?

Specifically how does the Bible outline clearly that “God’s normal plan” is that men take leadership in the area of sex? What scriptures clearly set out this tenet?

I noticed when asked if a wife may initiate sex, you responded a wife may “indicate that she would like to have sex” and that she may “woo” her husband? Do you consider this behavior taking initiative? Is there a level of subtlety that is to be maintained so as not venture into initiation or leadership?

Do you believe that God’s plan is for men to take leadership in the husband-wife relationship? If so, is it a sin for a man to abdicate his leadership role as it relates to being a provider, protector, spiritual leader or in any other way a man is suppose to exercise leadership? If so, then wouldn’t it be a sin for a man to abdicate leadership in the area of sex if it is God’s normal plan for man to be the leader in the sexual relationship?

Is it a violation of God’s design for womanhood for a wife to exercise leadership in a way that was God’s intention for man—i.e. provision, protection, spirituality? If so, wouldn’t it be a sin (violation of God’s design and plan for manhood and womanhood) for the wife lead out in the area of sex?

At the very least, if one does not know if it is a sin for a man to abdicate his leadership role in the area of sex, wouldn’t it be best to advise against it?

If leadership is rooted in an innate greater sexual desire, would a female/wife with a greater sexual appetite than her husband therefore be the leader? If a wife has a greater sexual appetite than her husband, would it not be aberrant?”

This whole topic is intriguing b/c it seems to hinge on absolutes that are not. Since discovering this issue, I hear and read that men are to initiate, they are innately and divinely designed as initators, but however, a woman can initiate sex b/c men like that. This is just one among many.

IF a woman is a responder and divinely and innately designed to be so, she should only respond b/c to do otherwise would violate God’s good design, right? IF it is wrong for a man to abdicate his leadership in provision, protection, etc., wouldn’t it be wrong to abdicate his leadership in sex irrespective of his interest and arousal by his wife’s initiating sexual b/c as Challies says God created men w/ a greater sex drive b/c he designed and intended them to lead in sex? Wouldn’t that be leading her into sin if he so desired such and encouraged it? At what point, after how many sexual intiatives would the wife be venturing into full-fledged sexual leadership and not just “wooing” or “indicating she wants to have sex”? Are their degrees of “wooing” as has been discussed in this thread already, I believe. (I’ve been reading Burleson’s, too, so I hope I have not confused the two.)
I would like to know how comps would answer these questions and account for the inconsistency.