Alex

Cheryl, I understand what you’re saying, and I would agree with you if you defined complimentaryism by that definition. However, I don’t.

Two things:

1) I do not believe that every wife should always submit to her husband in every circumstance. If what he thinks is best goes against what the Bible teaches, she should not follow him. If what he thinks is best is illegal, she should not follow him. These are huge areas that many of the examples you (and many other people on this forum) mention that I would agree with. Also, if a woman feels a strong desire to go a direction different from what the husband feels, it is extremely important for both of them to understand why.

2) If the husband and wife disagree about everything, then there are much bigger issues than complimentaryism. If the husband is always exerting his authority then he is ignoring his helper and (i would argue) is being both unbiblical and abusive.

And I would say you have the definition of complementaryism wrong.

“complementarianism is the “right” and the “duty” of the man to be responsible before God to “lead” a woman and “grow” her because God has placed upon him the responsibility over her and for her as one who will give an account before God for her.”

Complementaryism is the calling of the man to be responsible before God to lead and grow his wife within the marriage. In the same way the wife is called to encourage and grow her husband. This doesn’t mean the husband makes all the decisions (as I mentioned above).

and for a scripture:

Ephesians 5:22-33 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the Body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself to her, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His Bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

It is important to note that verses 22-24 is for the wife, not the husband (and as such the husband should not learn leadership from these verses).

It is also important to look at the phrase “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” To really understand what it means to love like Jesus loved, you must to a fairly indepth study to the scriptures finding out how Jesus loved the church. Then (and only then) can you truly understand what it means to love sacrificially.

-Alex

P.S. – As a side note, I really appreciate this conversation. This has both helped me to understand egalitarianism better and to re-evaluate some areas of complementaryism that I hadn’t fully mapped out before. I greatly appreciate your input and perspective. At this point we are more or less at an impasse. I will continue to read your blog posting from time to time and will read any responses to this posting (especially responses to that scripture). I thank you so much for your civility towards me and my differing opinions and I hope you feel the same way about my responses!