gengwall

“Yes, Mara, it’s crazy. I think it’s crazy that they are obsessed with control. Such a strange and crazy thing to be obsessed over – the control of another human being.”

Men submit to authority as easily as assume positions of authority. So I would say you are right on the first point, but not exactly right on the second. Men are obsessed with control? I think that is something I can agree to without much angst. I know I am. But, we are not necessarily obsessed with controlling every other human being. What we believe is that human beings, including ourselves, need controlling forces placed on them because of their sinful nature. I know what you are thinking already – “God is supposed to be the controlling influence. How can one sinner believe they are qualified to bring control in another sinners life?” Hey, I didn’t say we have thought this thing out all the way. I’m just relating what our gut instinct is.

So here is what often happens. A man perceives a lack of control in someone else or some situation (whether true or not). Being a typical man, he is more than willing to step into the role of the controlling force. It is one of the most natural things for a man to do. It isn’t that he is obsessed with controlling people (or a particular person) per se, but that he is obsessed with things being under control.

Frankly, men do this with each other all the time and they don’t think twice about it. John Mellencamp has a great line from “Cherry Bomb” which illustrates this. “One night, me with my big mouth
A couple guys had to put me in my place…” And does this result in hurt feelings and resentment? Not at all: “When I see those guys these days, We just laugh and say do you remember when”

What I’m trying to point out is that this “obsession” as it seems to be viewed by females is the most natural thing to a man. It is almost autonomic. The challenge for us is to know when it is appropriate and when it is not. If you want to know how that feels, next time your doctor hits your knee with that little mallet, try telling your knee not to jerk.

I have a more personal illustration to help. My wife and I took a personality inventory a couple years back. It was quite enlightening. Before I share the results, let me say that I consider myself a very male man and my wife is a very female woman. We are quite stereotypical. Anyway, the results of our test were illustrated this way by our testers (who are good friends and therefore did not need to pull any punches.)

If we were in a lifeboat that was sinking, my wife would go around trying to calm everyone and relieve their stress and make them all feel good. We would all drown, but we would all love her and have happy feelings about our short relationship and experience together. I, on the other hand, would wait only briefly to see if someone was in charge before I, seeing nobody else “obsessed with control”, would unilaterally take charge. I would assign tasks and give orders and discipline anyone who didn’t “jump when I said jump”. Everyone in the boat would hate me. But we would all live to tell about it.

You might think I was insulted to hear my personality described in such a cold way. Far from it! I recognize that a part of me wants to control things. It is not “wrong”. I am not some alien from the intergalactic man cave. It is a very good thing when applied at the right place and time. My goal is to seek God’s help in determining those right places and times. That is the best I can do. Sometimes I succeed; sometimes I fail. Ah, to be a man.