TL

“The only proper use of the husband’s authority (indeed of any human endeavor) can be to reflect God. And we are told that in marriage we are to reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church – that husband’s are to take their authority seriously; not to consider how they can be served but how they can serve. Parva sub ingenti, my life for theirs.”

This is a fairly reasonable statement. Even though I don’t believe God gave husbands authority over their wives, the world does believe so. We are all to do our best to reflect God and reflect His love. And if husbands were to take the attitude of “my life for theirs” as best they can, it would do a great deal for the body of Christ and relationships.

as for this statement…..
“we are told that in marriage we are to reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church”

There really isn’t any statement that says that. The piece of a sentence that is used actually says that Christ’s love for the church reflects the bonding (oneness) of human marriage. This is the opposite of what you say.

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[d] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

This is not about the institution or marriage covenental relationship. It isn’t about marriage but about Christ’s attitude. Paul is saying that Christ nourishes and cherishes His Body, and desires to be joined to the church so as for us to become as one. This is the mystery concerning Christ and the church. And this is the attitude husbands are to reflect. It is not physical. It is spiritual intimacy; a communion of souls, which is the greatest intimacy of all.