Cheryl Schatz

Craig,
You said:

In Eph 5, wives are to submit to their husbands because he is the head of the wife. The church is to submit to Christ because He is the head of the church.
This can mean either:
Wife/church submit (obey) because husband/Christ is head (authoritative ruler) of wife/church OR
Wife/church submit (serve) because husband/Christ is head (loves, cares for) wife/church

I believe that the second reason is correct but I also think that it goes beyond this reason for those men who do not know or love the Lord Jesus and who may not show love or respect for their wives. I believe that wives will submit to serve these unbelieving husbands also in ways that will cause them to see Jesus in them. This honors the Lord Jesus and may very well bring them to the Lord. So while it is much easier to serve a husband and receive from him when he is a believer who truly wants to love and sacrifice for his wife, we are also required to respect an unbelieving husband who has not yet come to understand that his wife is not beneath him but is his own flesh.

If all husbands would act first in love and sacrifice, their wives would have a very easy job to respect them, love them and serve them with joy in ways that honor them. It is not so easy to submit to a man who treats a wife like her submission is what belongs to him as his “right” and who uses that to selfishly get whatever he wants from her. I believe that being in the marriage as “head” he is the one who is to initiate the sacrifice first and what flows from that in his relationship with his wife will be peace, honor and love. Those who demand submission before they have a heart attitude of sacrifice are not doing what is required of them as “head”.

The entire mindset of patriarchy is male entitlement and you-do-it-first mentality that places the onus on the wife to initiate the sacrificial submission. While wives are to submit no matter the “attitude” of their husbands, I believe that the “head” place in the body is to “start” or “initiate” just as Jesus initiated our relationship with Him by coming to earth even when we didn’t know Him and we were still alienated from God. It is interesting that most pastors do not give this kind of counsel but look to the wife to be the “head” in initiating a sacrificial submission in order for him to “respond” in a good way to her. I believe that this is completely backwards to the “leaving” and “cleaving” that the man is called to do.