Cheryl Schatz

Mark,
I appreciate your willingness to discuss this issue with an example from your own marriage.

You said:

It simply shows, that when both parents are there, and an authoritative decision is to be made, i make it.

What do you mean by this? Do you mean that your wife has no power or authority to make an “authoritative” decision when you are home? Also why would the simple matter of when children leave the table require an “authoritative decision”? When you say this it seems to imply that your wife doesn’t have the authority to tell the kids when they can leave the table. Are they many other things that she doesn’t have the authority to do? Does she had the authority to tell the kids when it is bedtime when you are home?

My wife expects me to make it. Would she make the same decision if i were not there…of course she would.

It seems like her authority is there when you are not home and when you are home you have an unspoken authority that claims the right to make all decisions regarding the children when the two of you are together. Is this how you see it?

I have never said i need to ‘take authority’ over my wife, as appears common in these threads. It is not about ‘taking’ the auhtority, it is whether authority exists.

How would we know if authority exists unless someone takes authority?

Secondly in your “authority” role can you give your wife the opportunity to make an “authoritative” decision when you are both there or would that remove your authority?

Even when authority exists we can choose not to obey it.

If you said nothing and your wife made a decision concerning the kids without deferring to you to make the decision, would that be disobeying your authority?

More to come…