Alison

@ Kay: I think that’s the essential problem. You nailed it when you said, “Yes, the main point we have is that none of the hierarchist’s view squares with the Law of Love & “not so with you.””

The whole issue, I think, needs to be reframed by the Law of Love. We have to consider how loving it is for a husband to try to take authority over his wife, as if she were somehow incapable of making decisions for herself (or of dealing with the consequences if they turn out to be the wrong decisions). We have to consider if it is at all loving for a husband to assert that his is the final decision in all matters, and the wife consistently has to sacrifice the things she wants and needs in the name of “submission”, just so the husband can have his way (sounds like kids in the sandbox, where one gets his own way all the time, to the detriment of the others).

My fiance and I have had to learn this the hard way. We had a very painful fight over this issue (I said words which can be printed here; I think I even threw things at him), and we didn’t talk for three days. What came out of that fight was a needed commitment to working together, not one-up, one-down. We relearned the importance of what some consider a “dirty” word: compromise. It’s still awkward sometimes, but a whole lot better than the alternative.