Cheryl Schatz

Cindy,
When a dispute comes into a marriage where one partner pulls for one decision and the other partner pulls for the other decision, this is an opportunity to bring it to the Lord and to work out His will in the marriage. The Bible gives no recommendation for one partner to take authority over the other partner to force the partner underneath their will. It is always easier to “pull rank” to get one’s way feeling that the “role” they have taken entitles them to force a decision on an unwilling partner, but this is not God’s way. Working out a one-flesh union between two very different people can be a challenge, but I believe that Scripture shows us that we are to model the way of the Master. Working hard for resolution or one partner willingly submitting their own will for the good of the other is the best way. Seeking pastoral help or the help of a godly friend is another good way to come to a compromise. But taking authority over the unwilling is not an option.

When Jesus showed his servant attitude by washing the disciples feet, he bent down and washed each one of their feet including the feet of Judas. But when He came to Peter, Peter refused to let Jesus wash his feet. Jesus did not take authority over Peter and go against his will. Instead Jesus, in a loving and respectful manner convinced Peter of the necessity of Jesus’ servanthood so that Peter became willing of his own free will to allow Jesus’ purpose to happen. Respectful dialog can go a long way and sometimes we need to sleep on a decision for a time. Other times we need to set aside the decision for the time being and revisit the problem later. But when one partner lords it over the other partner by practicing the worldly way of dominating another person’s will, it will inevitably result in hurt feelings and resentment.

I hope this helps!