Kristen

Here is my response to Mark’s second point.
I think the ‘lay down power’ here is pretty tendentious. Almost any complementarian would say something like all this, but would say that what is going on is the reshaping of authority to be used as an exercise of service to those under authority rather than as a lording over them. My question here is – does Jesus model the kind of way of using authority that Kristen is speaking about here? Does he use it with humility? does he lay down his life, does he not exasperate us? And would she (and you) be happy with describing that as Jesus ‘laying down power’ in his relationship with us?

I certainly wouldn’t be happy to use such language about the one I call Lord. And yet he is the model, and I don’t see it as a model of laying down power, but of using it in a servant way.

And again, this is the kind of ‘this but that’ reading that is just so hard to pin down. Is Paul writing in such a way that indicates that these relationships have authority or not? Kristen seems to be suggesting ‘yes’ – but in such a way that over time we’d move beyond the letter of what Paul has said to the spirit of it and move to more egalitarian relationships. You seem to be saying ‘no’ – there’s nothing in these texts, we need to look elsewhere.

These comments open up the whole question of authority. Authority– what it is, what it’s for, and who has it– is often an unquestioned assumption made by believers based on their own church backgrounds, rather than something examined fully in the light of Scripture.

Jesus said in Matt 28:18-19, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples. . . .” Any authority that anyone in the church has, therefore, is actually Christ’s authority and not his/her own. In Titus 2:15, when Paul tells Titus, “Encourage and rebuke with all authority,” the word is not “exousia,” (“have rights/authority over”) but “epitage,” which means a command from God to be passed on. Delegated authority is the only authority we humans have.

The first question, then, is “do husbands have delegated authority from Christ over their wives?” As I have written before, I think the authority of husbands was a culturally given thing, an outgrowth of the Fall, and not from Christ at all. The New Covenant is marked by its departure from such external distinctions as “Jew and Greek, slave and free, male and female.” Gal. 3:28. If the authority of the husband/father/slave owner was man-made and not from heaven, then what Paul was talking about was not wives being under any divinely delegated authority of their husbands. (I do note that the only place where the word “exousia” — “rights/authority over”– appears in relation to husbands and wives is in giving them reciprocal rights/authority over one another’s bodies in the marriage bed, in 1 Cor. 7).

Secondly, Mark’s question about how Jesus relates to the church is interesting to me. I myself feel very happy and comfortable saying that Jesus, while He walked on earth, carefully and deliberately modeled humility (“I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls,” Matt. 11:28), laying down his life (“He took our infirmities and bore our diseases” being shown as coming to pass not just in the Crucifixion, but when He worked through the evening and into the night healing people in Matt 8:16-17), not exasperating us (“I no longer call you My servants, but My friends,” John 15:14) and laying down power (“He got up from the meal, took off His outer clothing, wrapped a towel around His waist [dressing as a slave] and . . . Began to wash His disciples’ feet.” John 13:4-5).

In light of this, Mark’s words, “I certainly wouldn’t be happy to use such language about the one I call Lord,” sound very much like Peter’s: “No! You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus was dressing like a slave, acting like a slave, and doing a slave’s job. He was not, at that moment, exercising any authority over the disciples. He did not command Peter to let Him wash his feet, but only told him the consequences if he did not allow it. I do not see this as “using power in a servant way.” It is simply taking a servant way– which is what He did as a model for us. His exercise of authority over the church is never shown as a model for us– only His servanthood to the church is shown as a model. Even so is the husband asked to model Christ’s laying down of His life in Eph. 5 — in the way Christ “gave Himself up for her,” “cleansed her,” “presented her to Himself,” and “feeds and cares for” her. Nowhere does Paul tell husbands, “command her, exercise authority over her, lead her,” or any similar language at all.

Christ does have authority over the church– although the head-body relationship as set forth in Ephesians is never described in terms of authority. My conclusion is that when Paul tells wives to submit “as the church submits to Christ in everything,” I think he was telling wives to voluntarily yield to their husbands in all ways in which the church would yield to Christ. This would have included husbands’ authority, because husbands did have authority in that era. But the husbands are simply not being addressed in terms of the proper way to exercise authority. They are being told to stop acting towards their wives in terms of authority at all– to start acting in terms of mutual submission, laying down their lives, giving themselves, and raising their wives up. In short, it’s not the responsibility of those being ruled– the children, slaves or wives– to change the “ruler-ruled” paradigm. It’s the responsibility of the ones in power– because they’re the ones who can.

(I must also note here that the church would never need to submit to Christ in terms of being dominated over, abused, neglected, or asked to follow into sin. Therefore, wives today who are submitting to husbands who still insist on always being the one in the lead “but doing it in a servant way,” may feel themselves justified in ceasing to submit if that leadership becomes abusive, neglectful, domineering or otherwise sinful.)

Finally, I will say that I worship Christ, follow Christ, and obey Christ– but in my prayer times and times in Bible study, I simply do not always relate to Christ from a ruled-to-Ruler stance. Many times I simply rest in His love. Many times I pour out my troubles and fears. Many times I just tell Him how much He means to me. The Spirit of Christ is sometimes overpoweringly strong– but many times He comes to me “gentle, [as if] mounted on a colt, the foal of a donkey.” Jesus made that particular gesture, riding in on a donkey, in an era when kings went about with huge pomp and ceremony. The amazing statement He was making is sometimes so familiar now that it is lost on us. But yes, it is just such language that our Lord encouraged to be used about Him.