gengwall

Our church tries constantly to tread that fine line. They exclude women from pastor and elder but have many women in the next tier of leadership (adult ministries, children’s (of course), and worship). On the marriage front they definately encourage a more egalitarian approach, but again, they struggle to come to grips with terms like “submit” and “head”.

Lin said – “Many of the women became manipulators because they had to stay in their place but actually knew better than the man on something.”

There is much to be sad about in the truth of this statement. I believe it is a reflection of the fall for both genders. Men fail to embrace (or even recognize) the gifts their wives have because they feel as ruler they should need no help. Wives in turn utilize those gifts in a negative fashion because they have been deprived from using them for a blessing to their marriage in the first place. The same holds true, and to even a greater degree, in many churches, especially, ironically, the evangelical variety. For someone who truly believes that women have a unique design which gives them an entirely different perspective, it pains me to know so many men are depriving themselves of the blessing that perspective can bring to our relationships and minitries.

Now, I have not always been this way. My wife and I had some of the same youthful enthusiasm for comp-ness that Lin sees in so many young couples. The difference with us is that we BOTH saw the light. My wife doesn’t have to “manipulate” because I have learned to welcome and even cherish her influence and perspective. We make a great team…now (at least I would like to believe we do).

Here is the real irony. Some of the most egalitarian couples I know are the generations that preceeded us within our own families. Although those families were “traditional” on the outside, my observation was that the women were fully equal partners within the relationship. Both my wife’s and my parents had very egal marriages in terms of family decisions, parenting, and problem solving. Most of our grandparents did as well, although it took her grandfather a little time to fully appreciate the contributions of his wife. But somehow, and I don’t want to blame it on feminism or the 60’s or anything, but somehow in the last 40 years, there has been this crazy shift. It makes no sense to me.