gengwall

I was still a little put off by the word choices in the short post (the man should “take responsibility” for a daughter’s modesty), so I went to the full sermon. The paragraph this post is exerpted from twists me in knots. Parts of it I strongly agree with but, as often happens with Piper’s preaching, there is just enough priest/prophet/king theology to make you squirm. Here is a breakdown.

Set standards for your wife and children.

This is how he starts the paragraph off. Although I agree with setting standards for children (both husband and wife do this together), I hardly feel qualified to set them for my wife. Unless, of course, she is equally called, equiped, and empowered to set them for me. I think husbands and wives have a duty to engage in mutual accountability. But I doubt Piper sees setting standards as a two way street.

Work them through with your wife. Remember the path of leadership here is primary responsibility, not sole responsibility.

I thought he was redeeming himself here, but the second sentence makes it clear that the focus has narrowed on the standards set for children. So, he leaves wife standard setting as the man’s responsibility with no mutual husband standard setting visible.

Wives are eager to help here, but what frustrates them is when we don’t take any initiative and they are left to try to determine and enforce the standards alone. Take the initiative in thinking through what will be allowed on TV. What movies you and the children will go to. What music will be listened to. And how low your daughter’s necklines will be.

I believe this is fundimentally true, and encourages the parenting partnership. That is what is so frustrating about Piper. If he would have just focused soley on parental standard setting for children, this reads just fine. But for some inexplicable reason (other than he has an underlying agenda), he waves that huge red flag in the opening sentence. It distracts from anything good he has to say.

I am tempted to preach a whole message on the relationship between dads and the way their daughters dress. Yes, mom is the key player here in helping a young woman learn the meaning of modesty and beauty. But dad’s role for both of them is indispensable both in celebrating what they look like and telling them when the way they dress means what they don’t think it means. Dads, you know exactly what I mean. What you need here is courage. Don’t be afraid here. This is your daughter, and she must hear from you what she is saying to men with her clothes.

Having raised two daughters, I can’t agree enough with this last section. This is precisely the approach my wife and I took in our parenting with, at least in my biased opinion, very favorable results. But again, I can’t get past that opening statement. The man drives me nuts. The majority of what he says sounds very good but it is almost always tainted by a comment or two that show his true hierarchical colors.