28 Mark,

Sorry for the slowness. I am trying to slow down some as ministry work has taken up so much time and I am working on my first book. It isn’t easy to carve out a few hours at a time and when I do, its hard to quit!

You said:

I do not think i live out an egal marriage. I do try to love and serve my wife as if it is my own body.

To me your marriage seems much more egalitarian than many marriages. Compared to the way my marriage used to be you are a semi-egalitarian. Or as you put it, on the egalitarian side of complementarian.

I try hard not to abuse my position of leadership and focus my energy and helping my wife and children become more like Christ.

I think that it is wonderful that you are trying to help your wife and kids become more like Christ. However many comps think that they know what their wife needs more than their wife knows and as way of thinking that allows them to believe they are the ones gifted with defining and directing their wives, their direction can become abusive without them understanding what has happened. Take a look at this article I wrote and see if it seems at all odd to you when it is dealing with full grown women who are supposed to be mature:
http://strivetoenter.com/wim/2009/01/30/man-give-woman-self-understanding/

However my wife recognises that although co heirs in the grace of Christ, i bear a certain resposiblitly for our family that she does not.

I appreciate that you wife can think this way. This is the way that I used to think before I looked at this issue thoroughly from the Scriptures. What I found is that women are supposed to be overseers in the home as well and Scripture does not say that only the males are the rulers of the home. (See 1 Timothy 5:14 and look up the Greek term that is translated as “keep house”. It is amazing at what is there in the Scriptures that has not been emphasized or pointed out to us.)

But she will ultimatley leave the decision up to me as the ‘head’ of our family to make the right decision. She willingly submits to me in this way and respects me as her husband, of which i am eternally grateful.

I understand what you are saying because, again, this is where I was at. But I did not grow in my ability to make decisions through many years of marriage. Leaving the decisions up to the husband is not an approach taught by the Scriptures. Rather we are to practice our ability to decide and judge. If your wife leaves all that up to you and you let her get away with not having to make decisions on her own even if she might make a bad decision, she is not growing to be all that she can be in the Lord.

My own testimony is listed here http://strivetoenter.com/wim/2009/07/05/wayne-grudem-part-2/#comments on comment #43. I would like to ask you to read it and think it through. Is the Scripture really telling us to set the women’s decision-making ability aside so that men make all the decisions? If the way that I have grown by my husband’s decision to set me free from being under his decision-making authority, then show us where we are wrong.

She recognises that i am sinful and Christ is not, and ultimately Christ is her Lord not me. and even as the head if i tried to lead her astray she would refuse.

It just seems that the maturity that we are to have in Christ is not being nurtured in a marriage where the only time the wife gets to make her own decision is when you are sinning. That just doesn’t sound like a sacrificial life-style to me on the part of the husband. Perhaps I am seeing more because my husband sacrifices for me and is willing to give up what he wants in order to benefit me. He doesn’t see himself as the boss any longer nor does he see himself as needing to take authority over me. When he did that it harmed both of us. We had a faulty view of what “head” means and now we understand that “sacrifice” is one of the very top words that describe a “head”. Someone who places the term “authority over the wife” in the definition of “head” just doesn’t understand the example that Jesus gave us for marriage. I am not saying that you don’t love your wife or that you don’t want the best for her. But perhaps God has granted her to know His best for her directly without going through you. After all He is sinless and you are not, right?

I am saddened though that men abuse the comp pos for their own glorification. Any comp i know would not restrict women preaching to women and the like.

All of the key complementarian teachers deny women the freedom to preach. They say that this is given to men alone and that women’s “role” is different. It is good to know that you and your friends are much more tolerant. How refreshing to find more of you out there. Perhaps you might want to join us in pushing for freedom for women to serve in their gifts so that “preaching” and “teaching” is not considered male “roles”.

I do not think people miss out on anything by not having a woman pastor/preaher- the word of God is not gender orientated. They miss out if preachers are gender orientated.

You are right in that the Word of God is not gender orientated. However we are individuals and we express ourselves differently. What would the world be like if there were only Fathers and no mothers? I have had the privilege of having male and female teachers and I have found a difference between the two. Perhaps if you had more female teachers you may see the same thing as I do. The fact is that we women are not redundant and just good enough if there are no men available. Our gifts are needed in the Church today and anything that the Holy Spirit gives should be celebrated in my opinion. Perhaps you have a different opinion but do you have enough information to make a decision that women teachers are not needed for you? How come we are told that we cannot say that another part of the body is not needed for us?

1 Cor 12:21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I</b? have no need of you.”

I’m not sure whether you see yourself as gifted in teaching, but you are definately gifted in writing. I have never seen somebody so able to write as much as you do 🙂

Thank you! I see myself as better in writing than in person but I was “in person” for 16 years in discipling a group of ex-JWs and whenever I tried to get someone to replace me, it would fall flat on its face. Perhaps the people just didn’t give them a chance. I don’t know. But there were people when I left that area who had come for most of the 16 years to listen to me. I guess that must mean something. I sure do appreciate that you would take the time to say something good to me! That is a real blessing to me!