gengwall

Love this post!

This is the key quote IMO from Zen:

Corinthians 7:1-5 I would suggest that decision-making should focus on finding the Lord’s mind together. Over the years the good ideas, solutions to problems and answers to dilemmas will flow from both husband and the wife as they seek the Lord as a couple for “symphony.”

This is exactly right. This is egalitarianism 101. Considering the varying skills, experiences, and gifts that two people bring to a marriage, I constantly wonder why anyone would object to such an arrangement for decision making. It only makes sense. Unilateral decision making rarely works, and never works in such an intimate relationship.

I recently finished reading “Undaunted Courage”, Stephen Ambrose’s biography of Meriwether Lewis. Even in a military era where iron fisted rule was the norm, the Lewis and Clark expedition was marked by amazing “symphony” in decision making. Not only did Lewis consider Clark the co-leader of the expedition, and treat him as such once they were under way regardless of their difference in rank, but there were many decision opportunities others were brought in and consulted and even delegated the decision authority. The reason is obvious – niether Lewis or Clark had all the skills and experiences necessary to deal with all the situations that would arise during their time together.

I think as well about the Proverbs 31 woman. It astounds me how complementarians ignore her, and more importantly, the relationship she had with her husband. Clearly, this woman had a great deal of authority in terms of decision making within the home and even related to financial and other family dealings. But vs 11 and 12 should be like a 2×4 upside the head to any complementarian:

“The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.”

This is a man who has no fear of his wife participating and even taking the lead in decision making. Why would this be – listen to verse 26

“She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

A husband and wife working “in symphony”, as Zen puts it, bringing each of their gifts and experiences together and seeking the Lord for guidance is an incredibly powerful force.

Another great marriage to look at is John and Abigail Adams. Even though they lived in a very traditional looking marriage in a very patriarchal time, John often, really almost always when it was feasible, sought his wife’s counsel before making major decisions, whether they affected their intimate family or the fate of a nation. Conversely, some of John’s most troubling personal times occured when he went it alone. He valued Abigail’s input above literally everyone elses.

I know there is an old adage that says “too many cooks spoil the broth” but there is an even wiser and more trustworthy saying – “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” This goes not only for labor in the field but labor in the family. And when those two also look to the Lord as the only true authority in their marriage, they form a bond of immeasurable strength, because, as we all know, “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”