Nicole

Ok, this will be slightly rambling, but I’ve thought about this a lot and wanted to share it and get some feedback.

First off, “male privilege.” Something just doesn’t sit right. From my experience (that is more female “submission” veiling as manipulation and domination), men don’t seemed privileged at all. Ok, maybe they get to be the “leaders”, but how hard is it to have that kind of authority and maintain a true Christian walk? Knowing myself, it would be a HUGE burden to have this prophet, priest, king, mentality thrown on top of my desire for control. I know my love of a controlled, orderly environment would lead me down the path of dictatorship. The thought of what would happen makes me sick.

It just seems like believing in husband authority puts unnecessary weight on both spouses, that it almost drives the couple apart rather than growing them together. God gave us friendship. Marriage should be the closest friendship, yet there seems to be this unhealthy focus on 2 minor traits that are rather dangerous. Leadership can turn to domination and submission to domination. It just seems to be playing with fire and catering to our sin nature to not have two people equally weighted, balancing each other out in the relationship.

And honestly, I can be the most submissive wife the world has ever seen, and still be a downright awful person to live with. Being submissive does not mean I am truly loving, nor that I am patient. I can be submissive and respectful to the nth degree without every truly loving my husband or engaging him as a human being.

A good man who is aware of his own brokenness may not be thrilled by these responsibilities. This normally healthy man MAY then resort to controlling behaviors (which he will likely detest subconsciously) to compensate for the fact that he knows there is no possible way to live up to the high standard set. Even worse, he will have to face God for his behavior.

Within the marital relationship, if extra power is put on the husband, the extra responsibility should follow. But with all the forms of submission being thrown around, it makes it hard for the husband to have an appropriate counterweight in his wife. So in the name of “headship” or “leadership” a normally good husband may start tilting towards the side of dominating, while a normally good wife, in the name of “submission”, may start withdrawing or yielding unhealthily to the husband.

I hope I care enough about my husband’s immortal soul that I will not allow him to be drawn into unwise or unhealthy territory, regardless of submission. I hope he does the same for me.