Cindy Meyers

Ladies: Let me ask you this: When an issue is raised in a marriage that needs a decisive response and there are heated differences between husband and wife, how is it finally resolved?

The egalitarian’s real issue, I believe, is one of the heart and its unwillingness to take God’s word regarding the woman’s subjection as literal. How do you square the passage in 1 Timothy 2:11-14 that says, “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” or 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 where it says: “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak: but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” I don’t know how you get around the passages of Scripture that speak of some kind of “pecking order.” A submission to a higher authority. It’s not that the husband doesn’t have to submit. He does!!! To Christ!! (As do we) The same Christ Who also, ALWAYS, submitted to His Father in heaven!! Submission has become a “dirty” word in our sinful world. The Trinity has a beautiful submissiveness within it, one to the others. And, it is this same kind of heart that has been given to each of us, male and female. We all are called to submit to SOMEONE!! It’s the way of life!! Within a godly marriage, yes, there is a mutual submission. The Bible speaks in some places of submitting, one to another but it speaks about exclusive submission in other passages like Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18. The general framework for a God-centered family is: children submit to parents; wife submits to husband who submits to Christ Who submits to God. Husband is NOT to be a dictator, but is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and died for the church. The husband has the higher responsibility to make sure he is hearing from God for the true direction of his wife and family. But, because of sin, this doesn’t always work perfectly. But, the husband is to take into account the frailties of his wife, the “weaker vessel.” (I know some women don’t like that very much) In all things, there is order. It’s when one person within that order starts bucking against it, wanting a different or higher position and begins to fuss and fume and find fault and reason to get their way. (And, maybe, it’s just that they believe strongly that their belief is, truly, right.) I urge you to really look at those hard, unmistakeable passages that speak of obedience to husbands and not try to find ways around them or make them say something other than what they say and mean. I’ll finish with this:
1 Peter 3:4-7 “..let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters you are, as long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” For the most part, Sara knew her role as Abraham’s wife and obeyed. But, look what happened when Abraham “obeyed” Sara and slept with Hagar. We’ve been paying for that mistake for thousands of years!! We can’t blame God or man’s abuse of what God’s Word truly says and means for what brutally sinful men have done to women. These men, wrongly, use God’s Word to support their sinful hearts and deeds. Unfortunately, that will always be with us. These kinds of men will behave that way with or without the Word of God. It has always been the work of Satan to twist what God has said to hurt both God and man. In defiance of Satan and his tactics, let’s be courageous women and dare to surrender our wills to the will of God and His beautifully ordered picture for family and church and resist believing the lying devil who still accuses with these words: “Has God REALLY said?”

I am a complementarian but am a Christian first and feel compelled to express myself in the Spirit of Christ because I believe it matters even more than the subject we are addressing. I am a woman who has been married to an unbeliever for 30 years. I came to faith after my marriage and had no teaching about any of this and had lots of advice from all fronts! I tried lots of ways to live (happily) with my husband but it was stressful and painful until I heard a well-respected Christian woman uphold the teaching of Ephesians 5, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3. When these Truths were expounded on the way she did it, the scales fell from my eyes and my heart (even though my will was still very stubborn), and I chose, by God’s grace, to obey what the Holy Spirit laid out before me. The result was a gradual healing of the tension between me and my husband and, while he is not yet a believer, the beautiful change in him is unmistakeable and I am reaping wonderful benefits.. Praise God!! God is blessing me and us through, not submission to my husband ultimately but, submission to the true interpretation of God’s heart and Word. Ladies (and gentlemen), I have found that it always comes down to our attitude. Is it a yielding, giving, surrendered Spirit or is it an angry, hostile, resistant spirit. I look at the highest calling Jesus gave, which was to love one another and keep His commandments. I look at the fruit of the Spirit and examine my outlook based on those characteristics in my life. Is my viewpoint making me more loving, joyful, peaceful, long-suffering, gentle, good, meek, faithful and self-controlled? Am I becoming more of a servant or more of a tyrant? The complementarian model is not a threat to women. It elevates women. Our problem is that we so easily look at this issue through the lens of our sin and become convinced that men are using this for their benefit (and, like always, it’s the few who do that ruin the beauty of how God meant it to be) when those who aren’t are trying to demonstrate to women, especially their own wives, how this is meant to be a picture of Christ’s love for the church. For the men, it’s a high, high calling to “lay down their lives” for their wives. The trouble is that many men haven’t gotten that far and besmurch the true, Biblical picture of a godly marriage. Anyway, sorry to have gone on so long but I wanted to help shine a light on this because I understand where you all are coming from and have been introduced and experienced the blessings of complementarianism in my own home and life enough to know that it is, truly, God’s way. It has nothing to do with inequality but everything to do with roles. Only one person can be President of the United States. Only one person can be a husband, a Father. God has distinct and divine purposes for each gender and when accepted and embraced, the functions of the family and church operate so much more smoothly. God bless you all.

In Christ’s love,
Cindy