How A Passion For Ministry Almost Cost C Michael Patton His Marriage

This does give us pause as to what influences a passion for something, even something good. What constitutes a call for God, is the secondary question.

Not all instances of spousal disagreement necessarily should squelch a passion or calling IMO. However, in the instance of missionary work, which IMO is not a type of spiritual gift but merely one exercise of a spiritual gift, I think a spouse would absolutely need to be in agreement. There are many things we can be called to that we can do without jeopardizing the welfare of our families.

TL,
I agree. We can use our gifts without having to have the other spouse’s agreement. But when it comes to uprooting the family or going into full time ministry when one is against the move, it is far better, in my opinion, to wait on the Lord to work out the call through agreement.

In my own ministry I knew that I could not be in full time ministry without my husband’s full participation and agreement. In about the year 2000 or 2001 he was content to just have a retirement of doing what we like to do and I had agreed to let him choose the direction. What it did was sap all of my strength and my unhappiness was evident to him even though I submitted to his will. It was then the Lord got his attention and started talking to him and that has completely changed his life and his desires. He now not only supports me but he has a real call of God to use his own gifts in ministry.

The issue for me is whether a husband can hold the trump card as if he alone has the ability to know the Lord’s will. I do not believe this is biblical, but I do believe that going into ministry without waiting for your partner’s acceptance can really cause a lot of trouble.

Michael’s ministry has apparently been able to flourish right where he is and there may come a time when they can both agree as the Lord works on Kristie’s heart.

Your first ministry isyour marriage. If you don’t get that, you are not qualified for ministry.

Wow.

“In fact, I began to think that if Kristie would not go with me, I would go alone. After all, which is the greater good: staying married or saving souls? Or better, which is the greater evil: divorce or not following God’s call?”

This so aptly shows what a disconnect we can have sometimes with the reality of a situation – especially, if we think we have more Spiritual insight than “others.” OM, what a little power trip can do!

“In the spirit of Priscilla: Do you not think that God is powerful enough to call you both into ministry or do you think he only has enough power to call one of you? If so, then he is not a God worth your time anyway.”

Yes, what kind of teeny-tiny God would need to break up marriages and families to save others??
I’d like to meet Priscilla!

Did anyone read any of the responses this man got to his story?

Some of them? All I can say is just WOW! I loved his response!

You have to earn the right to practice your complementarian theology!

Hannah,
I tried but kept getting an error message. ??

He got a lot of responses, some good some bad. But the page was down for a couple days, during which most of the responses were removed.

This is a tough situation. I’m glad things are working out for the Patton family. I personally don’t believe that a genuine call of God is always going to be accompanied with an approving spouse. I can’t remember the name of the missionary that went to India in the early 1900’s, but his wife didn’t approve because she liked the comforts and social life here, and made his life extremely difficult. God did bless the work in India, but his wife remained resentful and vindictive until she became deranged. I believe there is a lot to consider, and that decision should not be made lightly, but I don’t believe that the emotions of a spouse is a sure sign of God’s call. I’ve seen this with men as well towards their faithful and Godfearing wives. They become increasingly jealous and unreasonable, and the women are then usually told “the call” most not be from God.

I think there are different levels of calling and different levels of agreement needed. If God calls one person to teach a group and the other spouse disapproves this call may not need the spouse to agree. However if one is going to leave the country and go into missions and the spouse doesn’t approve, I believe that it would be a matter of prayer and waiting. The Scripture says that a husband has authority over his wife’s body and she also has authority over his body and they are not to hold back unless by mutual agreement. How could one person think they could go into ministry and leave their wife behind without her express consent? I think that often people can be quick to go for an easy solution (the husband’s authority) without making it an opportunity for the Lord to work out a solution.

I do believe that a woman can be “called” by God without her husband’s permission but it can be a challenge to know how to answer in the best way without appearing to dishonor him.

Jesus, however does speak of the division that can happen even amongst our loved ones because of Him, and the excuses we make for not following Him. This is again, a very difficult decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly either way. It’s too easy to be driven by personal ambition and emotional manipulation, and neither one of those are a proper response to God. I think, if we’re not careful, we can give the devil too much room to hinder a woman or man of God from serving (locally or abroad) when a disapproving or approving spouse is used as the bottom line indicator of a genuine call. It is very possible that God can call a man overseas and the wife resist for fleshly reasons so I don’t see the passages mentioned above about having authority over the spouse’s body as a legitimate answer in the scenario I’ve given.

rejoice,

It is very possible that God can call a man overseas and the wife resist for fleshly reasons so I don’t see the passages mentioned above about having authority over the spouse’s body as a legitimate answer in the scenario I’ve given.

I just think that if God is going to call a man and the wife is resisting for fleshly reasons, then the man needs to find out how to keep his one-flesh union intact while serving God. If God is faithful in calling, then He is also faithful in finding a way to answer if the spouse is a believer. If the spouse is not a believer then that may very well be different.

I just think that more time may need to be given for prayer and working out the problems. There are no easy answers for sure.

I resisted the urge to ask what to do if the roles were reversed, if it was the wife itching to go to Afghanistan and the husband refused. But of course, that would mean that she was mistaken in her understanding.

Tamara (on the blog’s comments) said it so well,

“This was a great blog post, but wow, some of these comments are really, really painful to read. God had already made the dog before He created Eve… and God is the one who said it wasn’t a suitable mate for him… so lets not think of wives as ‘companions’ that God calls to go where and do what they are told. Submission is not about ‘obedience’… it is about selflessness. So is ‘laying down your life’, by the way, which is how Christ loved the church. Absolutely, we have got it really messed up on both sides, and we are very defensive and self-protecting. We are disobedient, that is true. But God deals with us when we are, doesn’t He? Doesn’t He love us enough to correct us, to encourage us, to affirm His will to us? If you are a person too headstrong to hear the voice of God or to receive His correction, then maybe you have no business being on the missionfield anyway. Unless you’re Jonah.

Is it really possible that some husbands don’t honestly realize that God also speaks to their wives? How can it be so unfathomable to a husband that God also gives to his wife (the one he loves and cherishes) her own unique spiritual burdens, truth, wisdom, visions, passions and callings, all of which she is called to humbly lay before the Lord with open hands? ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes. Sometimes we think God is calling us to something, but what God really wants is to teach us something… to reveal something of Himself and His nature to us, to build character in us, to teach us what it means to love, to purify us of our vanity, our selfish ambition and our sentimental notions of who He is and what He is truly calling us to. If a husband cannot first lay down his life for his beloved wife – the one person he vowed before God to honor, care for and forsake all others for – how can he ever hope to reveal Jesus to a stranger? He hasn’t begun to understand his calling as a man of God, as a husband, as spiritual leader in the home.

If there is any missionfield today, I think it is the marriage. I pray that God will have compassion on us, and stir the hearts of men and women from the far corners of the earth, to come to us and speak the gospel to us here in North America! God clearly stated that the marriage is God’s clearest picture – the image bearer – of Christ’s relationship with the church. It is not supposed to be about control, power and authority, but about love, sacrifice and mutual submission. Like most other of God’s profound mysteries, we have absolutely ravaged that picture. Some of ya’ll are making Jesus sound like an abusive husband, and I pray that in His mercy He will pour out His lavish love upon you, that they eyes of your heart may be opened to see the mystery of His heart towards you, His bride!”

I totally agree with her. Another commenter pointed out that statistically, it would more likely be the man who refused to go on missions based on both the % of men in the church and the fact that single female missionaries far exceed single male missionaries.

Of course spouses can be selfish and materialistic, marriage does not cure one of sinful humanity.

Does a spouse who is carnal or not a Christian have any business leaving the country to serve as a missionary–even as a spouse to the head missionary? Isn’t that wanabe-missionary’s first job to nurture the unsaved spouse and children and bring them to Christ? Perhaps as the carnal spouse grows in faith, he/she will be mature enough to hear the call of God.

I am not saying Patton’s wife was carnal. She was pregnant and it was her God-given job to protect her children. Apparently Patton failed to understand how vulnerable a woman can feel when she is pregnant, or when she has young children. She has to have a strong sense of God’s calling to take those children into dangerous places.

Protecting one’s young children is different from “protecting” a grown spouse from serving God in a particular ministry, as complementarian husbands are prone to do.

What many folks do not consider is what kind of life the missionary spouse is supposed to live–when she does not feel called into foreign missions. If she is not called, she will likely be of little mission-type service. Her main job will be to serve her husband in a place where she has many handicaps that make her work take longer than it would in the US. She may have to learn to cook over a wood stove, for example, which can make cooking take all day if the wood isn’t dry enough. She may have to do laundry by hand, etc. While her husband gets the “glory” of and enjoyment of missionary work, her work is made 10 times more difficult than it need be, leaving her no time to be a missionary at all.

The result is a marriage where the husband gets to do the enjoyable work, and the wife is stuck with the never-ending maintanence work. Just like the widening gap between the rich and the poor, this would be a widening gap in the enjoyment of labor experienced by husband and wife. This would likely also end up widening the power gap between them, and the wife becomes her husband’s slave. Unless she really enjoys having everything go wrong day after day, a husband pushing her to go where she has not been called of God will end up taking her into depression or some other disease that will end up forcing them to return home.

If she also feels God is calling her to be a missionary, AND her husband and/or children help with the day-to-day tasks, she also can take the gospel to those who are lost, and have the sense that she is making a difference.

I would think the same applies if the genders are reversed. What business does a reluctant husband have to be in a foreign mission field? No matter what the gender, God may be calling them to do something meaningful at home.

A final note: The class teacher was using guilt and manipulation to get students to go to foreign fields. Often if it is God who is calling, He also gives a specific burden, like to go to Africa or Central America, or even to a specific country.

Waneta, I know a woman who with her husband was called to a foreign land– and it was as you say, that everyday living took 5 times the labor that it takes in the US or other first-world nations. But there was this difference– their US money also had considerably more spending power, and there was an abundance of poor citizens who were eager to be hired to help. They ended up with a maid, a cook and a gardener. I think it’s true that if the woman and the man don’t BOTH feel called, there can be a real problem. But when both do feel called, AND when the everyday work isn’t considered to be the wife’s role alone– it can be tremendous!