gengwall

Hi Mark,

I hear the description of decision making in your marriage and I agree with Cheryl’s generalization – that it is predominantly egalitarian. That you and your wife have agreed that you will make the final call is your perogative. Good for you. Even though that is the “comp” way, it is mutually agreed upon by the two of you and so it is an egalitarianesque approach. BUT, and this is a big “but”, the fact that your wife has input on the decisions, and I sense it is significant input which you weigh carefully, gives your marriage a significant egalitarian bent. And the fact that you apparently allow your wife to make minor decisions on her own bolsters that conclusion. Strict comp teaching of Ephesians 5 states that she is to submit to you in all things – major and minor. Moreover, strict comp teaching says that she is inherently either deceitful or easily deceived (depending on the particular comp “sect”) and therefore can not contribute anything positive to decision making. Egalitarian teaching, on the other hand, states that both parties in the marriage have significant and unique experiences and perspectives which, combined, offer much better criteria upon which to make family decisions.

Now, if your church teaches the same as you have outlined, they are probably comp light. They stick to strict comp-ness regarding church leadership but let married couples figure out what works for them. That is how our church is. (Actually, ours is only about 51/49 comp. They have male elders but women can teach and have leadership positions in ministry.) That is Cheryl’s point, I think. You may believe you have a comp marriage because you follow the comp line in major decision making but in reality it is much more egalitarian than you think. That is a good thing!