gengwall

I can not speak from the woman’s perspective, but I can share a couple of observations in general.

Many people are fairly content in the complimentarian life style and church because the men in their lives don’t “lord it over” them. The women are happy to have a strong leader to look up to and don’t themselves feel qualified to lead. (I’m not making a statement as to whether or not that is positive, just that it is a reality). Unless real abuse is taking place, these women are…well…happy. Some would say that their happiness is a fantasy, but I disagree. I really do think they are satisfied with that life style. Now, it could be argued that they could be far more satisfied if they were able to live life to the fullest and “be all they can be”. But they would argue in return that they are allowed that, and how there are is how they want to be. I would describe my wife’s grandparents on her mothers side (I never knew her other set) as this type of couple. He was definately the patriarch, but he was loving and supportive of his wife (she had many hobbies and an in home business) and they did not appear to be in want of anything from a relational aspect.

There are others who look to be living the complimentarian life style on the outside (husband is provider/protector, wife is home maker/nurturer) but if you examine their day to day living, you see that they are actually quite egalitarian. Though they may look traditional (and patriarchal), they have an equal partnership. I would describe both sets of my grandparents, and my and my wife’s parents in this category.

Then there are those who, because of the cherry picked teaching they have been brought up with, simply believe this is how God designed it. Although they are not quite content, and although they are not quite equal, they still have a good life and believe all is well and godly. (Maybe Cheryl’s marriage fits most closely with this). Still, there is something that just isn’t quite right, but because they are taught that this is the way it should be, they can’t quite put their finger on why they feel so unfulfilled.

Now, all three of these situations lack any abuse. Obviously, there are other paradigms that come into play that cause a woman to stay in an abusive situation. But these are three fairly normal reasons why I think they may stay. Others here have much more despicable situations that they have lived through and I’m sure will fill you in.

And this says nothing about how the church operates. As I said before, the church we have attended for years is complimentarian “light”. They allow only male elders and pastor, but in all other visible ways, seem very egalitarian. I have commented here before that I am actually almost completely ignorant of strict complimentarian churches, despite the various denominational backgrounds I have been exposed to through my marriage and family.