Sam

We’ve had only one experience with a complimentarian group. When we first visited the group, some were very friendly. We asked for a statement of belief and any other materials that would explain their beliefs and teachings. They were very careful not to mention anything about their positions on the role of women.

We saw women on the platform and assumed that women were equally involved. Wrong! We eventually figured out that the group had a complicated set of unwritten rules. The only thing that mentioned anything in writing, we (much) later learned, was one word – ONE WORD – in the bylaws, under the qualifications for elders that said “men”. Like who visits a church and asks for a copy of the bylaws before deciding to attend again?

Women could only teach women and children (and boys only up to a certain age). Women could sing on the platform, but not lead singing, in case they made a comment that might be interpreted as teaching. Women could speak on the platform if they were answering questions from a man in an interview, which was considered “covering” her. Women were allowed to speak in a Bible study, but not teach if men were present, although women were encouraged to attend only womens’ Bible studies. Etc. Etc. Etc.

There were many other issues with the group – Which could mostly be summed up by saying it was a social club with a central core of club members. Other people were allowed to attend mostly to help pay the bills and do jobs, but you had to be dumber than dirt to figure out they were really not part of the “in” group.

So we moved on once we figured out this stuff, as over 98% of all new people did (I kept the statistics and this is a correct number). The church was losing people and I actually heard one of the two or three most powerful men in the church say that he wasn’t concerned, because “giving hasn’t gone down and they aren’t core people anyway”.

I suppose we were a bit slow to figure out their actual stance on women, but it seemed that there were those who understood it clearly and that was why they attended. The way some of these men treated their wives and daughters was uncomfortable and we took away the idea that a group that holds such a position on women tends to attract some men who have unhealthy attitudes toward women. They seem to especially like churches that they feel back them up with teaching and their interpretation of Scripture. This is not to say that all of the men in such a group are this way.